Decisions (Part 2)

You shield your eyes from the bright sunlight as you look out upon a wide open field. The grass brushes lightly against your shins as you step further from the door. Wait. You turn around to see the door still standing there, with its impossibly clean, silver doorknob shining in the sun. However, no wall surrounds it. It simply stands in its frame in the middle of the field. You do a quick run around to see that only more field lies behind it. So you had escaped the constricting walls of the white room, yet you are still completely alone.

Too tired to explore this new realm, you sit on the ground, pulling your knees up to your chest. A warm breeze sways the tall grass, making it brush against your shoulders. With one deep inhale, you smell the fresh air and the warm earth beneath you. This world seems to welcome you, yet you still feel lonely. Lying down on the soft grass, you look up into the blue sky, unsure of what to do next. Your mind is exhausted from your claustrophobic ordeal. As you lie face-up in the tall grass, the breeze attempts to lull you to sleep. You sit up again and survey this new world. Open field. Door. More open field. It seems safe enough. The ground welcomes you back with the soft whisper of grass brushing together under you, as you fall back, looking at the sky. The sun warms your skin, with the breeze keeping you perfectly comfortable. Your eyelids feel heavy, so you give in and allow your mind to be immersed in sleep.

Something touches you. Something that isn’t grass. You quickly throw your arms up, smacking them hard against the unseen creature. The thing lets out a “houff” as you roll over and jump to your feet. “Who is it? Who’s there?!” you shout out as you look around you. Nothing. You walk around the door. Still nothing. Whatever it was had left. Wrapping your arms around you, you contemplate going back through the door. The sun was still shining, and the earth still looked very inviting, but you were far too spooked to attempt to sleep. Perhaps you should go back through the door. But what was the point? You could either go back to the tiny white room you were initially trapped in or stay in the wide open. But what if that thing came back? It hadn’t hurt you…but what if it tried again?

Something rustles in the grass.

You hear the rustling come closer, but you can see nothing. Your breathing becomes heavy, and you take a step backward, unsure of what direction the sound is coming from. Every thought in your mind is telling you to run away—any way—screaming, but your body refuses to move. Suddenly, you feel a hand on your arm. A deep voice whispers in your ear.

“It’s ok. You’re ok. I won’t hurt you.”

something wrong

Untouched by science,
Above all the stars,
In a world far beyond
These earth-given scars,
She lied down in waiting,
And counted the cars
That passed as her
Teardrops were falling.

Swallowed by oceans,
Immersed in the skies,
She searched for a truth
In a tangle of lies,
With a glimmer of hope
Shining deep in her eyes,
That dimmed as she
Gave up her calling.

And as she lay weeping,
Stars put on a show
Of fantastic lanterns
That she'd never know,
For her sobs kept her deaf,
And teardrops did flow,
So she never did see
Their great flying.

The sun moved to warm her
As she sat in the sand,
But none could replace
The touch of a hand,
That took her away
To this far away land,
But left her alone
To her crying.

The world tried to please her,
And yet she still mopes
Over love unrequited,
And yet she still hopes
That some day he'll come,
And untie the ropes
That bind her and keep her
From running.

Perhaps she will notice,
Perhaps she will not,
The marvelous place
In which she's been caught,
But for now she still cries
Over love never got,
And waits for a day
That's not coming.

Too Late

Your body is shivering

So you lie and say you're cold

'Cause you know it's wrong

And you know you shouldn't

But you do



Your mind is racing

So you turn up the volume

'Cause you're done listening

And you know you should

But you won't



Your thoughts wander

So you hold on to him tighter

'Cause you refuse to believe

And you want to forget

But you can't



Your eyes water

So you tell them how you feel

'Cause you can't keep lying

And you want to stop


But it's too late.

Decisions (Part 1)

You're in a small room. The white walls stare back at you, completely blank, other than the simple white doors facing you on three sides. Actually, there could very well be another door behind you, but something tells you not to look; that it doesn't really matter what is on that fourth wall just out of your sight. Instead, you look at the three doors. At first glance, they look identical. Each is painted in the exact same bright white color as the walls surrounding you, and each has a small silver doorknob. However, when you look closer, you can see that the doors are slightly different.

The door directly in front of you looks the newest. You walk closer to touch the white wood and can still smell the faint odor of paint. The doorknob looks as if it were just cleaned. Your distorted reflection looks up at you without a fingerprint to fog the image. Not wanting to ruin the doorknob's shine with your fingers, you step back to investigate the other doors.

You return to the center of the room, keeping your eyes to the ground to avoid looking at the fourth wall, part of you still warning you not to look and that it isn't important. You turn to the right wall and lift your head to see another average-looking door facing you. But this door is clearly not as new as the other, or at least not as well-kept. The door is dotted here and there with gray fingerprints, and the doorknob is smudged with what must be the oil from the hands of hundreds of others. The door isn’t completely uninviting, though. But perhaps the third door will be even better.

Once again keeping your eyes down, you find your way to the middle of the white room. Finally you look at the door to the right of you. This door was definitely the oldest. As you step closer to it, you notice small specks of brown wood peeking out from cracks in the white paint. The silver knob shows signs of age and use, but it isn’t as filthy as the on the left of the room. In fact, as you inspect the door, you notice no signs of dirt. It looks as spotless as the first door, with only small scratches in the wood. It seems promising, but there’s still two other doors to choose from.

As you step back to decide between the three doors, you suddenly notice just how small the room actually is. There’s no way it was this small before. The walls seem to be closing in on you as claustrophobia takes over. You feel completely and terrifyingly alone, as if there is and has never been any other being crawling along the face of the earth with you. You crave to be with someone, to liberate yourself from this room and the solitude it traps you in. Taking short breaths, you look frantically from one door to the other, trying to make a quick decision to escape the fear overcoming you. Dashing for the first door you inspected, you reach out for the spotless, shining doorknob. You throw the door open and hesitate entering only long enough to ensure that there is no danger awaiting you on the opposite side of the door. Taking in a whiff of paint, you step through the doorway, leaving the white walls to stare in on themselves.

A Farewell to Fear

Laugh it up,
But move in closer.
And I'll breathe,
If just for now.
Or for eternity.

Damn you.
And all of your
Perfection.
It can die alone,
With the light
Across the water.

This ship
has sailed.
Stop your waves,
Tossing me up
To drag me down
And fill my lungs.

I'm not gone,
But keep moving.
I won't drown,
You won't sink.
We will sail
Until we can't.

I'll be here.
When it storms,
When you're lost,
When you ache.
But most of all
When there's nothing.

Goodbye.
To my trials,
To your frustrations,
And your fears.
And hello again
To you and me.

Perpetual Battle

I've got so much to say
But the words fall apart
As they're pushed through my mind
Like my blood through my heart
And the thoughts crash together
With a screech of their tires
'Cause the kids that are smiling
Are all little liars

'Cause some kids are talking
With a swing of their fist
Then with a turn of their heel
Screaming out "Coexist!"
Because who gives a fuck
What's wrong or what's right
When they all have a pillow
To cry on at night

With the blink of an eye
And a slip of the tongue
A life is expelled
With the air from my lung
So they slip away slowly
Through time and through space
Leaving no sign of being
But a scar on my face

The world keeps on moving
Full of filth and of hate
As we crawl across land
With our spite as our weight
To drag as all down
Through earth's living hell
Till we reach the new ocean
And are plunged in its swell

Of Course.

We watch you,
As you take that cigarette
Into your shaking hands
We watch you.
As you suck in that ragged breath
With smoke rolling over your teeth
Waiting for the world to stop,
Because of course you'll die.
Of course we're bad.
Of course we hate you.
Of course the world hates you.

We watch you,
As your throat and your eyes burn
In the pessimistic fog
We watch you.
As your voice quivers through your lips
Saying the world is only torture
While the poisonous vapor slips out,
Because of course it hurts.
Of course it stings you.
Of course it's their fault.
Of course it's all our fault.

We watch you,
As you point your disapproving finger
Through the choking cloud
We watch you.
As you shake your head with disgust
Looking through that foggy mass
At all the mistakes of the world,
Because of course it's wrong.
Of course it's disgusting.
Of course it wasn't you.
Of course it was everyone else.

We watch you,
As you cough out your testimony
Of all the wrongdoers
We watch you.
As your whispers of stinging judgement
Form a noxious haze over you
With every struggled breath,
Because of course you're right.
Of course their time is coming.
Of course you will prevail.
Of course they deserve to die.

We watch you,
As that poisonous murk surrounds you
Blocking out the world
We watch you.
As your shivering limbs reach out
Through the all-consuming cloudy death
For the switch to turn it all away,
Because of course it's there.
Of course you will reach it.
Of course it will save you.
Of course we won't.

We watch you,
As your arms flail wildly
Through that toxic wall of hate
We watch you.
As your decrepit body is corroded
By the stifling cloud of judgment
That flowed from your dying lungs,
Because of course the world is all wrong.
Of course it's full of filth.
Of course you're pure.
Of course you'll survive.

Of course not.