Too Late

Your body is shivering

So you lie and say you're cold

'Cause you know it's wrong

And you know you shouldn't

But you do



Your mind is racing

So you turn up the volume

'Cause you're done listening

And you know you should

But you won't



Your thoughts wander

So you hold on to him tighter

'Cause you refuse to believe

And you want to forget

But you can't



Your eyes water

So you tell them how you feel

'Cause you can't keep lying

And you want to stop


But it's too late.

Decisions (Part 1)

You're in a small room. The white walls stare back at you, completely blank, other than the simple white doors facing you on three sides. Actually, there could very well be another door behind you, but something tells you not to look; that it doesn't really matter what is on that fourth wall just out of your sight. Instead, you look at the three doors. At first glance, they look identical. Each is painted in the exact same bright white color as the walls surrounding you, and each has a small silver doorknob. However, when you look closer, you can see that the doors are slightly different.

The door directly in front of you looks the newest. You walk closer to touch the white wood and can still smell the faint odor of paint. The doorknob looks as if it were just cleaned. Your distorted reflection looks up at you without a fingerprint to fog the image. Not wanting to ruin the doorknob's shine with your fingers, you step back to investigate the other doors.

You return to the center of the room, keeping your eyes to the ground to avoid looking at the fourth wall, part of you still warning you not to look and that it isn't important. You turn to the right wall and lift your head to see another average-looking door facing you. But this door is clearly not as new as the other, or at least not as well-kept. The door is dotted here and there with gray fingerprints, and the doorknob is smudged with what must be the oil from the hands of hundreds of others. The door isn’t completely uninviting, though. But perhaps the third door will be even better.

Once again keeping your eyes down, you find your way to the middle of the white room. Finally you look at the door to the right of you. This door was definitely the oldest. As you step closer to it, you notice small specks of brown wood peeking out from cracks in the white paint. The silver knob shows signs of age and use, but it isn’t as filthy as the on the left of the room. In fact, as you inspect the door, you notice no signs of dirt. It looks as spotless as the first door, with only small scratches in the wood. It seems promising, but there’s still two other doors to choose from.

As you step back to decide between the three doors, you suddenly notice just how small the room actually is. There’s no way it was this small before. The walls seem to be closing in on you as claustrophobia takes over. You feel completely and terrifyingly alone, as if there is and has never been any other being crawling along the face of the earth with you. You crave to be with someone, to liberate yourself from this room and the solitude it traps you in. Taking short breaths, you look frantically from one door to the other, trying to make a quick decision to escape the fear overcoming you. Dashing for the first door you inspected, you reach out for the spotless, shining doorknob. You throw the door open and hesitate entering only long enough to ensure that there is no danger awaiting you on the opposite side of the door. Taking in a whiff of paint, you step through the doorway, leaving the white walls to stare in on themselves.

A Farewell to Fear

Laugh it up,
But move in closer.
And I'll breathe,
If just for now.
Or for eternity.

Damn you.
And all of your
Perfection.
It can die alone,
With the light
Across the water.

This ship
has sailed.
Stop your waves,
Tossing me up
To drag me down
And fill my lungs.

I'm not gone,
But keep moving.
I won't drown,
You won't sink.
We will sail
Until we can't.

I'll be here.
When it storms,
When you're lost,
When you ache.
But most of all
When there's nothing.

Goodbye.
To my trials,
To your frustrations,
And your fears.
And hello again
To you and me.

Perpetual Battle

I've got so much to say
But the words fall apart
As they're pushed through my mind
Like my blood through my heart
And the thoughts crash together
With a screech of their tires
'Cause the kids that are smiling
Are all little liars

'Cause some kids are talking
With a swing of their fist
Then with a turn of their heel
Screaming out "Coexist!"
Because who gives a fuck
What's wrong or what's right
When they all have a pillow
To cry on at night

With the blink of an eye
And a slip of the tongue
A life is expelled
With the air from my lung
So they slip away slowly
Through time and through space
Leaving no sign of being
But a scar on my face

The world keeps on moving
Full of filth and of hate
As we crawl across land
With our spite as our weight
To drag as all down
Through earth's living hell
Till we reach the new ocean
And are plunged in its swell

Of Course.

We watch you,
As you take that cigarette
Into your shaking hands
We watch you.
As you suck in that ragged breath
With smoke rolling over your teeth
Waiting for the world to stop,
Because of course you'll die.
Of course we're bad.
Of course we hate you.
Of course the world hates you.

We watch you,
As your throat and your eyes burn
In the pessimistic fog
We watch you.
As your voice quivers through your lips
Saying the world is only torture
While the poisonous vapor slips out,
Because of course it hurts.
Of course it stings you.
Of course it's their fault.
Of course it's all our fault.

We watch you,
As you point your disapproving finger
Through the choking cloud
We watch you.
As you shake your head with disgust
Looking through that foggy mass
At all the mistakes of the world,
Because of course it's wrong.
Of course it's disgusting.
Of course it wasn't you.
Of course it was everyone else.

We watch you,
As you cough out your testimony
Of all the wrongdoers
We watch you.
As your whispers of stinging judgement
Form a noxious haze over you
With every struggled breath,
Because of course you're right.
Of course their time is coming.
Of course you will prevail.
Of course they deserve to die.

We watch you,
As that poisonous murk surrounds you
Blocking out the world
We watch you.
As your shivering limbs reach out
Through the all-consuming cloudy death
For the switch to turn it all away,
Because of course it's there.
Of course you will reach it.
Of course it will save you.
Of course we won't.

We watch you,
As your arms flail wildly
Through that toxic wall of hate
We watch you.
As your decrepit body is corroded
By the stifling cloud of judgment
That flowed from your dying lungs,
Because of course the world is all wrong.
Of course it's full of filth.
Of course you're pure.
Of course you'll survive.

Of course not.

Probably Not.

Perhaps you'll go jump out of a tree
Or skip through flowers
Or eat small animals
Or whatever you people do for fun
But maybe not.
Maybe you'll watch the sunset
And think of buckets of puppies
And then throw up on your new shoes
And scream strange things
Out into the atmosphere
Like "Hello World!
My name is not Harriet
Or Phillip
Or Beatrice
And I do not speak Chinese!"
But probably not.
So instead you'll buy a pony
Or a miniature horse
And dress it in a rabbit suit
And ride it naked through the library
On a mission to find a werewolf
Who lives in an Italian restaurant
Off the coast of Puerto Rico
But most likely not.
I bet you'll dig a tunnel
That leads to an underground cavern
Where there's a secret civilization
Of talking gerbils in tuxedos
And become the King Gerbil
And make them pre-chew your bubblegum
And knit you purple leg warmers
Or maybe blue because that's your favorite
Then you'd make the gerbils do step aerobics
While you throw popcorn at them
But I doubt it.
Actually, I know what you'd do!
You'd just sit there
And stare
And think
And then you'd stand
And think
About what to say
And then say nothing at all
And sit back down
So I'd leave you alone
To sit and stare and stand and think and say nothing
And I'd go laugh and play
And do all of the things you didn't do
And I'd never worry about you again
But that probably wouldn't happen.

Endless Sky

I reach my hands to endless sky
And try to pull it near
The creatures swim above me
As they whisper in my ear
"Now is the time, it's getting late,
You've nothing left to fear"

They dash away to endless sky
And I run with quickening pace
To climb the tree before the beast
And reach the giant's face
The beast declaws it's vicious feet
To see I've won the race

The giant, with a humble laugh
Removes me from his hair
With just a step, we're 'round the world
The earth is just his lair
He says "don't look down at the ground,
You'll see it isn't there"

His glasses hide the twinkling stars
That glisten in his eye
With outstreached arms, I touch the rim
And feel the endless sky
Then dive into the liquid glass
And gravity defy

Floating through the Morpheus air
I'm startled back to being
To realize that it's all a dream
A false euphoric feeling
But somewhere there is endless sky
The earth must be concealing